Peace, love and the dark side

It's very risky, very Orwellian, to even write this post, I'll be honest. Truthspeak is a big thing, and it's assumed that we are not to dwell or even call out the darker aspects to this Thing we all love so much called yoga, or life. Heck I even got rejected from a certain yoga-themed blog for NOT being 'edgy' and cynical enough. It goes without saying that I am ridiculously in love with this art, this spiritual practice, this calling; I am filled with gratitude every time I step onto the mat to practice, or into the room to teach; it is a gift. I am never done learning or arriving. It is my life's work....but I'm only as 'good' as the last class I taught....?

As teachers, we are more or less avowed to 'live what we teach': to set the tone and example to our community of students by not only word, but thought and deed. I get it.  We are not meant to taint their own journey or experience on the mat, as we skillfully and tenderly guide them along the course of their own path. I get it. We are not supposed to be attached to outcome, or numbers or ego. I get it.

However, we are human. We make mistakes, our hearts get broken, there are darker days. To not acknowledge this is frankly, in my opinion, doing a disservice to this practice. Life and its aspects are made up of dark and light; you cannot have or hold one without giving respect to the other. I am not suggesting that we surrender to the darker aspects of ourselves, but that we at least own and honor them, for they serve our journey as much as all the groovy hand-holding, collective OHMing, and powerful synergy that can happen in class.

So what happens on a day when things suck? In a 'normal' job, you go to work, sit down at your desk, and work. Your 'energy' is utterly inconsequential to your output.  In this profession, you are more or less required to 'leave it at the door', and bring your A game, always. As it should be.  There is a rub here: we are also asked to bring our 'authentic' selves to the room, to always teach from the heart, to be REAL. Well, what if that day your heart is aching, you are having a tough time on other fronts, and that is what's REAL? Well, maybe you can see the conundrum there.

As well, this wonderful community that we are privileged to be a part of is also a business. We are not supposed to be concerned with numbers, or who's in the room, or any concerns regarding our personal self-interest. We Are A Family. There are moments when that seems ingenuous somehow, but then I suppose this is true for most of the working world. Unless you are a) independently wealthy and do not need to work, or b) live on a remote mountaintop in asceticism, it would appear that all professions have their woes, dramas, politics and such. What makes it a bit more difficult to assimilate in yoga, is the fact that all things must at least appear to be perfectly zen.

There really is no conclusion to this post, no 'aha' resolution. It is what it is. I guess I get weary at times of hearing 'everything happens for a reason', or 'the universe will provide'. Gee, maybe now that unnamed blog will think I'm 'edgy' enough?

Or not. It takes nothing away from what I still and always come back to with this yoga. It's got limitless value both personally and professionally for me. It brings me deep connection to self and others. It allows me to express myself in ways that most other jobs cannot. I am eternally grateful. I just think it's important to at least mention that, like all things, it has a very real backstory, which may have little or nothing to do with the INTENTION of the history and practice of yoga. But it does have something to do with the commercial, modernized, human aspects of those of us who carry the torch.

just saying.