Sunday, May 4, 2014

A Year in the Life

As seems to be customary with me, these entries are way too few and far between. It's like taking photos on vacation: if you are constantly BEHIND the camera capturing all of the amazing things in front of you, then you aren't really present INSIDE of the moments that make up the experience. And such is journaling or blogging for me. Time seems to speed up, then slow down ('A watched pot never boils', comes to mind). And so it goes.

The awe and excitement of a new car or a new THING wears after a time, to the mundane, the 'normal'; the 'new car smell' invariably disappears into the daily detritus of kids, sweat, orange peels, and life. So my blogs of the last year have been on that same 'night-before-Christmas' track, amped and almost surreal with the newness of this life in God that I now find myself living. 

And then 'BAM', floating back down to life, its routines and disappointments; its supreme God moments, and trivialities. It's all there, as it was before...Before. BC. 

What's different then? Another year, a new job working with special needs kids. More legal wrangling and (hopefully) outcomes for the positive. Humility, tears, worry, and successes-- it's all there, as before. Just different somehow.

They keep telling me (who is 'they'? pastors, peers, friends in Christ) that life will NOT be easier merely because of this wonderment of new found faith. Indeed, quite the opposite seems to be true. Challenges exist, life continues. What's changed seems to be the filter I'm putting it all through. Less reacting, more prayer. Less (although some) fear, more prayer. A (possibly naive?) faith that He will provide-- not just materially, but faithfully. He will guide me/us through these trials and seasons with a reassurance of His divine will. I know this could sound cheesy as all get out to my non-believer (I don't even like THAT word anymore, as it places a line of separation between myself and my brothers and sisters who simply believe other than I do, and I'm not willing to cast OUT others in order to glorify ME) friends. 

At the outset I will go as far as to apologize for any words or views that might sound polarizing. But IF we were meant to 'walk and live as He did', then I believe that my personal walk is being directed by His grace, EVEN when it means saying the hard things that some folks don't want to, or aren't ready to hear. If it's said from love and not anger, then it's all good. 

Even BC, Before Christ, I tended to have a polarizing effect on people in terms of stating my belief in equality-- in civil issues of course-- but even deeper, that we are ALL one under the heavens. Having a yoga room as a pulpit (not a self-righteous pedestal) has given me a voice over the years, to speak out for peace, freedom and equality; for LOVE, COMPASSION, AND TOLERANCE. And most people can agree with this in theory-- it sure sounds great on paper, doesn't it? But when the rubber hits the road, can you tell yourself that you stand and walk with this in your heart, and THEN actively use those qualities-- not because they altruistic-- but because it's what Jesus did in his life and ministry? If we are being really honest, are we not ALL sinners who fall short of grace on any given day? It behooves us to cast the first stone, doesn't it?

And now, after Christ, how has this message sunk in, and where does it put me on the spectrum of 'hard right' or 'lefty liberal' (more labels I reject)? I have witnessed and observed just enough to be a hazard to myself, perhaps. I pray on this daily: "Father God, please use me to reach out to the disenfranchised, the youth, the alternative living, the marginalized and judged. Are we ALL not children of God? Then why is this so hard to in fact exercise in our daily lives, with our interactions with friends, family and co-workers? 

I have posted several somewhat controversial things this year about issues that I perceive as UN-Christian like bigotry. Am I popularizing myself for it? NO. When Jesus himself hung out with the poor, sick, or sinners-- did it endear him to the Pharisees? We all know the answer to that question. So it seems self-evident that we would do well to follow His example. Again, easier said than done. But why is it so hard? Is it FEAR? Fear of what we don't understand, or agree with. I surely don't agree with what I perceive to be a farther right political bent at my church, but it doesn't make me stop going; i LOVE those people. We are all different-- thankfully-- so why do we keep creating MORE (not less) divide amongst ourselves? Life is hard enough, can we not support each other despite our differences?

Context: what is valid in terms of honoring the bible, living a 'God-honoring life', versus 'picking and choosing' things to serve my own beliefs? Or inserting our beliefs rather than His? We ALL do that, to a degree in some regard. The huge gap in the Christian community alone illustrates the disparity between ultra-conservative legalists, and say, the more progressive purists who believe that Jesus' ministry-- and in fact ALL faiths-- supports love, compassion and tolerance. I'm not here to convince anyone that they are 'wrong' and I'm 'right'; those kinds of debates are counterproductive and not serving the dialogue. I just got off the phone with a life-long friend, a very academic and devout man of the Jewish faith. The conversation was lively and open, not righteous and dogmatic. There is something interesting that I noticed: we were in agreement about many KEY points having to do with our mutual love for God. Yes, the differences are glaring and obvious. But in the end, we pretty much agreed that God is about LOVE. That seems pretty basic to me. Is it that hard to live out?

Nevertheless, I maintain that, and have had much re-affirmation on this point-- His ministry served ALL people who came to Him. And I believe He is using me as a bridge for understanding to BOTH sides of this debate. As Bob Goff so eloquently reminded us at the Thrive Conference this weekend, "Love on people, that is how to walk and live as He did". There is no condition on WHOM we are setting the example of this for; believer, non-believer, Jewish folks, Buddhists, atheists. If we are truly engaged in our communities and our faith, then we are asked to go out and BE the light, not just 'be the light on people we agree with politically or biblically, and rebuke the rest.'

I know that this position makes some uncomfortable; that's ok. So did He. This leadership conference reminded me that IF we want to effectively grow our churches (and faith), then we had better get on board with the message, IN THE CONTEXT of where we are living NOW. So for me, that means being teachable AND standing out on faith and having the hard conversations, the ones that dare to stand up and say that I have, for example gay friends who are Christian (or not) and where does that leave them? God loves them, he loves us ALL, and we are all sinners. Who am I, or you, to judge that? We do not have to agree or even condone a lifestyle choice, in order to simply love on that person. I am removed from making that judgment call. It is merely my job to stand for them, speak for them, love them, accept them. 

And if the church, I believe, is doing its job in attracting new believers, then it would do us ALL well, to open our minds and hearts to not merely 'tolerate' (that implies a kind of tolerating of bad behavior, as with an errant child), but 'acceptance'. Do I think that everyone will agree with this, particularly the more conservative factions in the church? Not particularly. But it still needs to be said, and perhaps there needs to be a ministry (as we do with ALL care ministries) that serves ALL who feel that they do not have a 'place to call home' in God's kingdom here on earth. 

So back to my 'Year in the Life'. No, it has not been easier with the Lord. My parents are still gone (as before), I have serious work challenges and need to resolve my career/educational path. I pray ceaselessly for clarity on this: what is HIS will for me, not mine? How do I discern between these two things? 

But in all this seeking, and sorting and sifting of 'what I believe', or how He wants my gifts best served, this other thing keeps rising to the top. Whether it's job-related or not, my ministry seems to be emerging, as a voice for change-- as Jim Daly said, 'tone' is a huge factor in how people see us, meet with us, and HEAR us. So regardless of our personal views, let this be about Him, and honoring what we promised to do when we took up our crosses: walk in the mud and muck; speak out for tolerance and love, then DO something about it. Get uncomfortable, don't just stay in your box of routine around your faith: bible study with your group, your Sunday service, your service work-- step OUT and practice what He preached. 

1 Cor. 13:13, 'And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.'

Go live  I double dog dare you. And i dare ME. Then step back and observe what happens. 

peace,
wendy