So much has been happening lately; I cannot figure out if 'more' is happening, 'better' things are happening, or if I'm just paying attention in a different way. It seems like there is a little tiny flame, an inner fire, that has taken hold. I was imagining the other day that it is kind of like those 'eternal flames' that are lit at JFK or MLK memorials; it's not a big brazen open fire, it's a tiny flame, constant and true.
The 'source' of this prana, energy, chi, fire? Who can really answer that Big Question. But it's there. Even if you roll your eyes when this sort of idea gets brought up in a yoga class ('can't we just do the poses please?'), it's undeniable that we run energy -- at all times, in fact. Sometimes more than others, and sometimes not the best or brightest (we all have 'bad hair days', no?). In the Niyamas (one of the 8 limbs of Patanjali's Sutras), 'tapas' or heat, are discussed at length, though in more of a burning off to cleanse kind of way. Flame as a purifier, so to speak.
But in the context that I'm speaking of, it seems to be more of a hum, a buzz, something undefinable in a way. Kind of like the sound of cicadas in the summer; it's always there in the background. How do we access this energy, igniting that inner desire to keep propelling us forward, while staying present? Especially on those days when it just doesn't feel like you have much to give, or don't feel particularly inspired OR inspiring. What then?
I have a long and enduring relationship with my yoga, both as a teacher and a student. It's changed as the years go by: injuries, babies, healing, relationships...it's all part of the context from which I teach, and live. But this flame goes beyond the mat; practicing this yoga and these ideals we speak to, naturally informs our lives OFF the mat, and so this is what I have been observing in myself. The ways I interact with random people at a store, or how I phrase a question in a kinder way, or allowing someone else to be heard without an automatic response waiting. Paying closer attention. There are so many things that just whiz by us each day, and it would be hard to take in each and every second with grace and perfection. But just striving to do better, and listen more, and have a more open heart and mind; this is practice.
How can I access this energy?
A lot of things are trial and error, in this quest for higher awareness. For example, sitting in deep meditation is challenging for me; as well as painful, as I have low back issues. But the intention behind meditation is to quiet the mind, and awaken the higher self, soothing the constant chatter that narrates our inner landscape. So for me, aside from my yoga practice, I have taken up drumming. It provides me with a release, a kind of 'putting the mind on hold', and drops me down into a meditative state, where I'm totally in the moment. No lists, no obligations, no work, kids, commitments. It forces me to be present in a way that most things don't. Is this meditation? For me, yes. And it came to me quite by accident. Be open to new ways to access this mindfulness, this inner flame.
Find things that feed your soul.
I have noticed that a lot of people in our society are constantly on the run: doing doing doing. There is rarely space in the day to sit quietly, or breathe, or practice asana. I myself am busy much of the day, and have to consciously set the intention to stop, or pause, and just be still. There is a difference between just staying busy because of obligations or distractions, rather than choosing the things you fill your days with, and if those things are nurturing your soul. Maybe your thing is gardening, or cooking, or taking long drives to nowhere in particular. For me, it's picking up the drum and intentionally making the time for something that really sustains me, not just fills up time. Noone can tell you what that 'thing' is. If it's your mat, then get to it no matter when, where or how.
Keeping the flame alive.
I'm still working on that one. There are days for most of us that just aren't great, for whatever reason. Then others that seem to just flow from one thing to another, with ease and synchronicity. I suppose the key then is to have this flame, this inner light -- with you at all times, to carry you through even the most challenging days. Having some tools in your arsenal is helpful; knowing how to breathe, ground and having faith that all is as it should be, regardless of your efforts or control.
Stay open.
The thing that has jumped out the most to me lately is that a lot of things seem to be rather arbitrary or random; I don't know if this is true or not. But what I do sense is that if I stay open to new opportunities, experiences and people, better things seem to happen, in a more aligned kind of way. If your intention is to become a leader in your area of expertise, but you never leave your house, then the odds of that happening are diminished. Getting a bit uncomfortable is ok sometimes, taking chances (within reason) and seeing what happens, generally is a good way to open up to new possibilities. What if you never knew you had a special talent for weaving, and then a friend took you to a class and you found out it was exactly what you wanted to be doing in your spare time? Or yoga? Or cake decorating? If you don't know what your 'bliss' is (as Joseph Campbell used to call it), that's ok too. It's taken most of my adult life to arrive at teaching, giving, doing and creating a life that brings me joy. The point is, keep going.
In the end everyone has to find their own way along the Path. My way is like noone else's; neither is yours. The affirmations I receive from my work and the world around me tell me that I am on the right path, headed towards a better way of doing, feeling, expressing and creating. This inner flame is there, even on my worst days. I have to hold true to that.
